These Advice given by A Father That Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You require support. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now better used to talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a broader inability to communicate between men, who still internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It is not a display of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - taking care of you is the best way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they faced their issues, changed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."